


Ram's Horns and Cherry Blossoms

by Arlene0401



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Curses, Eventual Smut, Fairy Tale Curses, Fairy Tale Elements, M/M, but there's a little human smut to the end as well, chapter 4 is creature pwp in case you want to skip it, i mean i know my audience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-11 19:19:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15978764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/pseuds/Arlene0401
Summary: During his journeyman years, joiner Eren meets two cursed creatures. Touched by their fate and growing increasingly fond of them, he decides to break the curses that bind them.





	1. Spring

**Author's Note:**

> For [eruriren weekend 2018](http://erurirenevents.tumblr.com) on tumblr

Once upon a time, there was a joiner who finished his apprenticeship and took to the road as a journeyman. One day, deep in the forest, he found an old deserted cabin, surrounded by a garden and an orchard. Weary from the day’s journey, the joiner decided to rest here. Everything inside the cabin was in impeccable order, only covered in dust. He fixed something to eat and made sure to wash up his dishes afterwards and put them away again - it only felt right.

After dinner, he took a stroll outside. A cherry tree that stood a small distance away, alone on the top of a grassy hill, caught his attention. It was just beginning to blossom, dark branches carrying flocks of white.

The joiner circled the cherry tree, eying the strong, straight trunk. “I could make a beautiful cupboard out of you,” he said and sat down with his back leaning against the tree. “But I think you’re more beautiful where you are now.”

“Well thank you,” a voice said, and a handful of snowy white petals drifted down.

The joiner stilled. There were strange creatures in the forests, magical and often dangerous.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean you, whoever you are, but the tree.”

“I know. I _am_ the tree.”

“I didn’t know trees could talk.”

“Well, I’m not your average tree. I’m cursed.”

“Oh, that’s good. I’m a joiner, and for a second I felt like a murderer. And what are you when you’re not busy being cursed? A princess? A king?”

“Just the farmer who used to live here.”

“Are you sure? To my knowledge it’s mostly royalty that gets cursed.”

The tree chuckled, and the joiner decided he liked the sound. “No kid, I’m really just the farmer. One minute I’m throwing rocks at this jerk who built a fucking big campfire in my meadow, next minute I’m a bitching cherry tree. Turned out the jerk was a wizard. So take that as advice. Before you throw stuff at someone, check them for a pointed hat first.”

“Duly noted. I know I’m a stranger to you, but do you mind if I spend a night in your house?”

“Not like I can do much about it, right? But thank you for asking. Go ahead, be my guest.”

As the joiner got up and started downhill, the tree called after him. “Hey - would you mind coming up again before you leave? It can get kind of lonely up here, so it’s nice to have a chat every now and again.”

“Sure. And my name's Eren. What’s your name?”

The pause was so long that Eren didn’t think the tree would answer.

“Levi. No one’s called me that in a long time.”

“Good night, Levi. It was nice to meet you.”

Eren the joiner went back inside the house. He found the bed in an alcove off the main room, shook the dust off the blankets and crawled into the narrow space. It was stuffy and smelled of neglect and mildew, but he instantly fell asleep.

The next morning he rose early, breakfasted on his meager supplies and closed the door behind him with an inexplicably heavy heart. One last look around the small room confirmed that he left everything as he had found it, only a little less dusty. Eren shouldered his bag and climbed the hill again. The tree looked beautiful in the morning mist, white buds painted rose by the rising sun.

“Hey… hmm… I wanted to thank you again for giving me shelter last night. It was much better than roughing it in the woods. And it was nice meeting you. I’ve never talked to a tree before.”

“It was nice meeting you, too. The birds and deer around here aren’t exactly conversationalists.”

Eren shuffled his feet awkwardly. “Is there anything I can do for you, by way of thanks?”

“You could start by not kicking against my roots again.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Well, you could do something. I have this dead branch up there that's really bothersome. I had hoped the winter storms would take care of it, but it’s still there.”

“Levi, I’m a joiner, not a gardener. I only work with… uh…”

“Dead wood? You don’t have to tippy toe around the topic.” Levi laughed softly, a breathy sound like rustling leaves. “Yes, a joiner you may be, but you’re here and you have a saw, right? Come on, do me a favor and show me if you can handle your tool. Imagine having an itch you can’t scratch.”

Eren sighed, set his bag down and rifled through his neatly organised tool pouch. Then he eyed Levi for a good access. The tree wasn’t very high and had thick, sturdy branches that would easily carry him. He pulled himself up, using a foot against the lowest crotch for leverage.

“Oi, careful where you’re stepping on,” Levi joked, and Eren’s foot almost slipped. “Hey, don’t make this weird, okay? And don’t complain when it hurts. I’m not savvy in tree surgery.”

After a bit of more climbing, during which Levi proved to be surprisingly ticklish, Eren spotted the dead branch. He braced himself and gingerly started sawing. No cries of pain arose, and the task was finished much quicker than anticipated. Levi heaved a sigh of relief when the troublemaker hit the ground.

“Ah, that’s so much better.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

“And I knew you’d be good with your hands.”

“Levi, you’re terrible.”

“What, never been hit on by a tree?”

“Not in this way.”

The view from up here was nice. The sun had tickled more of Levi’s blossoms to life, and Eren saw blue skies and a sea of trees, framed by dazzling white. He leaned back against the trunk and pulled his legs up on the branch he was sitting on.

“You always this comfortable sitting on people’s crotches, Eren?”

“In this particular case, yes.”

“Then feel free to stay.”

For a while no one said anything, and they enjoyed the warmth of the spring morning in companionable silence. Then Eren cleared his throat.

“When you said to feel free to stay -”

“I meant it in a general sense. You’re nice company, and if you have nowhere in particular to go…”

“You only want me for my dexterity,” Eren teased.

“Your butt feels nice and warm on my branch too.”

Eren slapped the trunk, ignored the hissed “Oh yes, harder please” and said: “Right then. I’ll stay. For a while. There’s some things that need fixing in the house anyway.”

The joiner stayed. He cut new wooden shingles and repaired the leaking spots of the roof, fixed a broken shutter and planed the warped door. He oiled hinges, wiped windows, swept floors and removed birds’ nests from the chimney. In the evenings, and whenever he had a minute to spare during the day, he would lie in the grass under the cherry tree or climb up into what had become his favorite nook amongst Levi’s branches. They would talk and laugh, or be silent and just feel comfortable in each other’s presence.

Levi’s bloom lasted all spring. To Eren’s knowledge, the cherry blossom lasted for about two weeks, but he didn’t comment on it. Maybe it was because Levi was happy, maybe it was just the way he was. Just like his bark was smoother and shinier than the average cherry tree bark. Eren liked to lean his face against the surface. As incredible as it sounded, he was growing very attached to a tree.

From a spot well hidden in the woods, they were being observed. The watcher had the appearance of a large ram with golden shimmering wool, although he wasn’t really a ram, in the same way Levi wasn’t really a tree. He had been hiding from humans for a long time, but something about the joiner - and, after he figured out what creature the joiner was talking to, the cherry tree - pulled him in. He seemed trustworthy. A man who could befriend a talking tree could maybe also be capable of befriending a talking ram… or the ram’s much more bizarre alter ego. Other humans had either hunted him, or fled in terror and disgust. He was tired of being alone. He longed for friendly souls.

But before the ram could make up his mind, the decision was made for him under much more dramatic circumstances than he could have anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to be seen of Erwin... as of yet. Buckle up for a turbulent meeting!


	2. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin gets to introduce himself... in a more turbulent fashion than planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <(¬＿¬<) did you notice the rating went up? <(¬＿¬<)

Days grew longer and warmer, and Levi dropped his petals in a single magnificent event that made the entire hill look as if covered in snow. Eren whooped and leaped around, rolling over the petal-covered grass until he was green and white.

“What a giant overgrown child,” Levi remarked.

“Says the one who makes dropping his blossoms such a show,” Eren shot right back.

Soon, small green fruits formed that grew and grew and eventually turned an appetising shade of deep red.

“Oh my god, your cherries are delicious, Levi.” Eren couldn’t stop himself from stuffing his face, even though he was aware he would probably pay with a belly-ache later. He was standing on a ladder and had a large basket beside him, but not many of the fruits had made it inside yet.

“There’s much more than I can eat, I should pit them and then dry or preserve them for the winter.”

“Hey, if you pit my cherries, can I pop your cherry?”

Eren scratched the tree trunk in a similar manner someone would scratch behind a cat’s ears, something he had learned Levi liked a lot.

“We both know you’re all bark and no bite.”

“Did you just make a tree pun at me?”

Before Eren could answer, a loud noise from the woods startled him. Something was approaching, and it was fast. And big. Branches snapped and the undergrowth was ruthlessly pushed aside. The path of destruction lead in a straight line towards them. Frozen, Eren watched as a large ram broke through the bushes and made a beeline for the cherry tree. Blood streaked the strikingly gold colored wool on one side. In blind panic, the animal collided with the ladder and tumbled to the ground, with Eren landing right next to it.

Dazed, he scrambled to get to his feet and climb to safety, but strong hands on his shoulders stopped him. Eren whipped around and faced not a ram, but a man… well, a creature whose upper half looked human except for the curled horns attached to the head. The lower half consisted of sheep legs that ended in cloven hoofs. 

“Please,” the creature rasped. “Please, help me. They’re coming.” Eren saw the broken shaft of an arrow embedded in the soulder’s flesh. Blood oozed down the creature’s arm and side. Then he looked into pleading blue eyes, and without a second thought he grabbed the intact arm and quickly pulled the other towards the cabin. He flung open the hatch to the alcove.

“Quick, get inside and pull the blankets up. And cover your head. If someone comes, pretend to sleep.”

Eren raced back towards Levi, and he had only just put the ladder back in place and clambered up when he heard horses. He only risked a short glance and a bowing of his head, fully the humble farmer. 

A small party of hunters entered the clearing and looked around. Seeing nothing of their prey, they rode towards Eren. “Hey, did you see a wild sheep here?”

“A wild sheep? No, I didn’t. Sir.” Technically, he wasn’t even lying.

“You sure, boy? The trail leads here. You wouldn’t be hiding it in your shed, eh? Quite a bit of meat for a peasant like you.”

“No sheep came past here, and I’m certainly not hiding one. Why don’t you go and see for yourself? There’s only my old and sick father in the cabin.”

“Careful with that big mouth of yours, boy.” The hunter narrowed his eyes. “That’s a nasty cut you have on your face. Looks fresh.”

“Must have been a twig.”

“Hm-hm. Can be mean little things, these twigs.” Just as he said it, an overripe cherry landed on the man’s hat with a soft plop. A couple of hopeful wasps followed the juicy tidbit, and he waved his arms with a curse. Then he grabbed Eren by the scruff of his shirt and hoisted him off the ladder. “You show us every crook and nanny of this place, and no monkey business. This ram has been sighted in the area for months, and the king wants it. Not everyday that you see a golden fleece. Anyone who might even think of laying a finger on it is a dead man, you understand, boy?”

“Perfectly.” Eren wheezed, the collar of his shirt cutting off his air. “Sir.” He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from making a sassy remark about golden fleeces being the subject of ancient myths.

“Very well then.” With that, he was dropped to the ground.

The men dismounted and searched the place. Not that there was much to search - the single room cabin with attached stable, hayloft, wood pile and - yes, indeed - the outhouse. Cabinets were opened, furniture turned over, clothes pulled out of the chest. The only reason the alcove was left mostly alone was Eren sweetly informing the hunters that his father had pneumonia. Its occupant was only prodded with a long stick until it became apparent that no sheep was sharing the bed. When they had made enough of a mess, they gave Eren a whack over the head for good measure and left. 

He lay sprawled on the dirt floor and let a couple of minutes tick by until the sound of hooves had faded into the distance. Then he picked himself up and cautiously opened the hatch to the alcove.

“They’re gone now. It’s safe to come out.”

The sheep-man unfolded himself and crawled out, and in the light Eren could take the first real look at him. He was blond, the same color of the wool in his sheep shape, which explained why the hunters had mistaken it for golden. Ram’s horns curled away from a high forehead. Blue eyes. Noble features. The arms and torso were muscular. Eren’s eyes followed the soft blond hair that covered the chest and trailed down over the abdomen, but he quickly averted them when he reached the V of the hip bones. 

Jutting out from the man’s crotch was a very prominent erection.

Eren had thought he’d spotted it earlier, but had chalked it down to a misunderstanding. Vivid imagination. But no, it was very real.

“Um, maybe you’ll want to do something about that before I treat your wounds.”

“I can’t really. I’m sorry if this is embarrassing for you. It sure is for me. See, I’m a satyr. We are like this.” The man clasped his hands in front of him and bowed. “Thank you for saving me. I owe you my life.” The movement caused a little more blood to trickle from his wound, and he winced.

“Yes, Right. Let’s get you patched up.” Eren asked the satyr to sit down on a chair, set a kettle with water on the stove and assembled everything he needed. The arrow was thankfully of a very sharp pointed kind, but pulling it out was still one of the most stomach-turning things he had ever done in his life. Aside from a small groan his patient remained silent, but his bulging jaw muscles and pale face betrayed the pain.

Soon, the wound was cleaned and tightly bandaged, and all they could do for now was hope for the best.

“If you can manage, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine before you rest. I’m Eren, by the way. Eren the joiner. I should have introduced myself earlier, but the circumstances were -”

“- peculiar. Yes. I’m Erwin. And I would very much like to meet your friend, the cherry tree.”

“You know about Levi?”

“I only know that you talk to a tree. I, erm, have been around here for a while.” Erwin scratched the back of his head, and Eren couldn’t describe his expression anything other than sheepish.

“Stalking us, huh?” There wasn’t any venom in it, and Eren added a smile for good measure to show he wasn’t offended. He already had a vague idea, but he preferred for Erwin to say it himself.

“Magical creatures are not generally well liked among humans. I wasn’t sure if I would be welcome. And at first I thought you were maybe just a nutcase.”

“Understandable. Well, now you can meet Levi and ascertain that I’m not a nutcase.”

Levi was highly agitated when they arrived. “Eren, are you alright? What happened?”

“I’m fine, Levi.” Eren patted his trunk reassuringly. “And what’s more, we made a new friend. Levi, this is Erwin. He’s a satyr. Erwin, meet Levi. Cursed cherry tree.”

“Hello. Nice to meet you,” Erwin offered.

“Satyr? As in one of those hot and horny woodland creatures? Well, hello there. I was mad at you for barging in here with trouble on your heels, but now I’m ready to forgive you.”

“I’m sorry for the tumult, but I was literally running for my life. Eren just pulled an arrow out of my shoulder.”

“Sounds nasty. Feel free to stay until you’re healed, I’m sure Eren will nurse you back well. He’s a stalwart young man. Very strenuous. But speaking of which… you are not to tap that ass, as appetizing as it may be. That ass is mine.”

Erwin’s eyes flicked from the tree to Eren. “Oh? And what if I do? It’s not like you can do anything about that.”

Eren couldn’t help noticing that Erwin’s already prominent erection seemed to perk up at the mere mention of his ass. “No one is going to tap my ass, understood? I’m not going to fuck a tree, and I’m not going to fuck a satyr. You, Erwin, can go and deal with your… stuff alone and out of sight. Shelter and healing is all I’ll provide you with, and as for your sleeping place,” he leaned forward with arms crossed for emphasis, “that will be the stable.”

The satyr pouted, and Levi snickered. Fuming, Eren turned to him. “And as for you, Levi, you should be ashamed of yourself. You don’t even have a body or hormones to get horny from, so your behaviour is inexcusable.”

“Hey! Have you ever dealt with morning wood? Well, I have been forced to live with it for years now. Haven’t gotten laid in forever.”

“You get fucked by a million bees every spring, don’t believe I didn’t notice how you enjoy their attention. Are we all on the same page now? Fine.” With that, Eren stalked off towards the cabin and slammed the door behind him.

Erwin leaned his back against the tree. “What a pert ass. Especially when he’s angry.” He sighed wistfully. “Staying here will be heaven and hell.”

“You tell me about it. Every time he drapes himself all over me it gets my saps rising. But trying to get in his pants is like milking a ram.”

“Feel free to milk this ram to your heart’s content.”

“Hey, are you rubbing your furry ass against me?”

“Uh. Sorry. Force of habit, I guess. It’s nice to rub against a tree when your fur is itching.”

“Did I tell you to stop?”

“No, you didn’t.” Erwin smiled to himself and continuing grating his backside against Levi’s smooth bark.

Summer moved on. Levi’s cherries were all gathered, except for the highest branches, which Eren left for the birds. Erwin’s shoulder wound healed slowly but surely. Since his sheep shape required walking on all fours he couldn’t assume it often. Keeping his satyr shape around Eren proved to be a hard test on his composure. Unlike his sheep body, it was brimming with hormones and eternally horny, and from a blistering encounter with a wood nymph he knew that even the most intense sexual activities could never sate him for long.

He had to excuse himself to discreetly take care of his needs at least a dozen times a day, and Eren suspected very strongly that Levi had less qualms than himself about… laying wood with the satyr, judging by the occasional rustling and creaking he heard at night, only to find Levi all ruffled up and the ground covered in loose leaves the next morning. He never inquired because in all honesty he hoped he would never have to know. He was happy that the two got along so well, and he got used to having Erwin around to the point he didn’t want him to leave again. The satyr was smart, witty and charming, and he could tell stories of old in the most fascinating way. Many evenings were spent lazing in Levi’s branches or at his roots, listening to Erwin’s smooth baritone.

One evening, as summer drew to an end, Erwin had just finished telling them about the long journey of silk and spices through deserts and mountains, over oceans and rivers until they could delight the king and his noblemen.

“How do you know all these things?” Eren asked. “Where did you hear and learn them?”

For a moment, Erwin didn’t reply, gathering his thoughts. “I haven’t always been a satyr. I used to be a human, and I went to school and university, and prided myself on my intelligence and education. Then one night, many moons ago, I stopped by at an inn for a rest and a cup of wine, and I got involved in a discussion about the nature of man with another traveller. He disagreed with my notion that the mind rules the body and its lowly needs, and the more wine we consumed, the more flawed and unlogic his argumentation became. I had more or less cornered him and was convinced that he would have to admit defeat, when he suddenly laughed. It was a scary laugh, mean and a little insane. ‘You are so full of yourself and your superior mind, try to rule this body then,’ he said and pulled out a wand. And the next moment I was this naked… beast, with my shame for everyone to see. I could only flee, with his laughter - and everyone else’s - still ringing in my ears. Returning home, to my father, was impossible. And so I’ve been living in the woods ever since.”

He wiped a hand over his face. “It is… so hard, as someone who has been living a life of logic and reason, to be trapped in this body that’s entirely focused on carnal desire and pleasures of the flesh. It pollutes my mind. In this shape, I live in a constant state of arousal, and in both shapes, I get hunted. I thought I would forever be excluded from human - or at least sentient - company. When I found you guys… you have no idea how much this means to me. My only wish is that I’d never met this scruffy-bearded bastard. Wizards.”

“Wizards,” Eren and Levi parroted, deeply disgusted.

“Wait,” Levi said after a minute of thought. “Did you say scruffy-bearded? Blond guy? Eyeglasses?”

“Yes. Big ears. Small hands.Overly large wand, though.”

“That’s him! That’s the bastard who turned me into a tree!”

Eren’s insides boiled with white hot fury. “I know _exactly_ who cursed you both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun...!  
> What could Eren know about this ill mannered wizard??


	3. Autumn - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren goes to get the cure for Erwin and Levi, and kick some ass.

“Eren, you can’t just go all alone and fight a wizard!” Erwin paced over the grass, hands clasped behind his back.

“I agree,” Levi piped up. “I mean, sure it sucks being cursed, but I’d much rather spend an eternity cursed than see you killed for our sakes.”

“We will not stand by and watch.”

“Guys, please. Will you listen to me for a moment?” Eren waited for them to shut up before he continued. “I may not know much about wizards, but I happen to know how to deal with _this_ wizard. And… what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t help you, when I have the means to?” He reached out for Erwin’s hand, and placed his other palm on Levi. “You two… you have become incredibly important to me. Please, let me do this for you.”

Erwin squeezed his hand back. “You said you know this wizard. Who is it?”

“His name is Zeke. He’s my brother - my _half_ -brother. When his mother passed away, our father married again, and I was born. Zeke left for his wizarding school when I was very young. Never got along with mother and me very well, and opposed father on every occasion.”

“So he’s the _black sheep_ of the family?” Levi asked.

“Going around cursing people sure is _shady_ ,” Erwin countered.

“Not really, he just - now’s not the time to make puns!” Eren fumed.

“Sorry, sorry. Are you sure this isn’t dangerous for you?”

“I don’t think he’s going to hurt me. We’re still brothers, after all.”

Erwin looked at him earnestly. “You sure he’s not going to _fleece_ you?”

Eren punched his good arm.

No matter how much they argued, Eren wouldn’t budge. He also refused to take Erwin with him, because he was still not fully recovered. Only packing a little food, spare clothes and his tools, he reminded his friends to look out for looters and hunters, and Erwin to stay close by the cabin, where he had built a secret little hiding place behind an artfully crafted sliding panel in the stable wall. He hugged them both goodbye, and when he shouldered his bags it almost felt like being back on the road again. Almost. This time, he had a destination in mind.

The leaves were turning yellow and red, and a softly crackling carpet covered the forest floor. He followed a narrow path that, after a few days, joined a wider road. It led through towns and villages. Faraway, he spotted the king’s castle and, upon seeing that all flags were at half-mast, remembered that in the year prior the prince had vanished without a trace. Apparently the king was still in mourning, and that almost appeased Eren with him having his hunters pursue a ram with golden wool. Both he and his hunters couldn’t know the ram was in reality a magical creature, and a cursed one to boot. Eren had heard stories that the prince was exceptionally handsome, with golden hair, and maybe the ram’s wool had reminded the king of his lost son. He worried a bit if Erwin was really safe at the cabin, but after the first incident there had never been other hunters in the area. Erwin had been able to handle himself for a long time, and now he had a hiding place as well. Levi, too, had been fine for years. What they needed now was for Eren to focus on the task at hand.

He came into a region where the hills got steeper and gave way to mountains. Paths became winding and slippery, but Eren knew his way. He hadn’t seen his brother often after he had gone to wizarding school, but of course he knew the moat-surrounded castle Zeke had come to live in - after having relieved it of its former occupant, as was seemingly customary among wizards. It was one way to avoid exorbitance, Eren thought.

Finally, Eren reached the place. All kinds of protective spells surrounded it, making it absolutely wizard-proof. What Zeke hadn’t taken into account was a younger sibling simply swimming through the moat and opening a window with a picklock.

What Zeke also hadn’t taken into account was that said sibling might take his wand and his eyeglasses from the night table while he was sleeping.

Eren sat way down in the castle’s kitchen with a steaming mug of tea, his boots on the table and idly doing a bit of carving when enraged screeching announced his brother’s awakening. A lot of cluttering and a stream of curses allowed him to acoustically follow Zeke’s path through the castle. He tried on the eyeglasses and grimaced. Zeke must be blind as a mole.

Finally, Zeke yanked the kitchen door open and came stumbling in, eyes wild and wide. He was still in his nightshirt and -cap and slippers. Not even noticing the intruder, he sniffed the air for the aroma of tea.

“Good morning, big bro,” Eren said, and Zeke jumped. Then he squinted and padded over to the table. 

“Eren?”

“Long time no see, Zeke. What’s got your panties in a twist on this beautiful fall morning? Sit down and have a tea with me.”

“Inviting me for tea in my own goddamn house,” Zeke grumbled but accepted a mug nonetheless and sat down. “My glasses and my wand disappeared, but since you are here I guess I’ll have to wonder no more who the culprit may be.” He took a sip and smacked his lips. “The question is, why the fuck are you sneaking in here and stealing my stuff, and then sit your ass at my kitchen table, bold as brass?” Squinting again, he added: “And take your fucking boots of my table, it’s disgusting.”

“Would you believe if I say I’m just paying a courtesy call?”

“No.”

“Good, so at least we’re on the same page here. You did something horrible to some friends of mine, and I want you to make good for it.”

“And what horrible things, supposedly, have I done?”

“You turned one of them into a tree. A cherry tree. The other, into a satyr.”

Zeke shook his head. “You’ll have to be more specific than that.”

“You mean you turned so many people into… something else, you can’t even remember?” Eren was horrified.

“Hmm. Satyr, you say? I think I recall that one. Bigmouth on a very high horse. As for the tree guy…” Zeke scratched his head.

“He threw rocks at you because you made a fire on his meadow.”

“Oh, yes! Nasty little runt. Needed to be taught a lesson in humility. And why should I reverse the curses?”

“Because your brother asks you to and you’re a nice person?”

“Try again.”

“Because I have your wand and I’m very skilled with a carving knife?”

“Bingo. Now, I’ll need my glasses if I’m supposed to look up the remedies.”

Eren slid them over the table. Zeke put them on, blinked owlishly and cast a disapproving look at the wand and knife in Eren’s hands.

“Hey, have you already been chipping away at that?”

“Only a little.”

Zeke pulled on his hair. “That’s a powerful magical instrument! Do you have any idea what could happen when you damage it?”

“I could get a splinter in my finger.”

“You’d have your kidneys forced out through your ears by a magic explosion, more likely.” The wizard got up and shuffled to the doorway. “This way, please. And _stop carving_!”

“Oops.”

They ascended a couple of stairs to a room that was stuffed full of potions, dried herbs, grimoires and bitey looking creatures suspended in jars. Zeke rifled through his bookshelves while Eren entertained himself making faces at the pickled monstrosities.

“There we are.” Zeke carried an impressive looking volume over to a desk and thumbed through it. “To break a curse of morphogenesis… new moon… aha… need dried water powder… a bag of condensed starlight -”

A small wooden chip landed on the page he was perusing. “You’re talking to a person you’ve sent out to get sieved water once too often, you know.”

Zeke smiled in nostalgia. “Kept you occupied for a while, yes. Good old times. But well, since I see I can’t spoof you anymore, here’s what you can do. You have probably heard it said that curses can be broken by a kiss or something similar? Like most folklore, there’s a tiny spark of truth underneath. What’s the end to a curse is true love. Someone giving themself wholeheartedly to the cursed person. Accepting them in whatever shape they present.”

“Well, it never bothered me that they’re not human, so I - oh.” Eren thought for a moment and blushed. “ _Oh_.”

“So these men are… _really_ close friends to you?” Zeke asked a tad too nonchalant and mustered his fingernails.

“I… they… we are, I mean…” Eren floundered, growing redder by the second.

“You shouldn’t have any problems then.” Zeke smiled ever so charmingly. “Remember, what they need to break the curse is someone loving them entirely… with heart, soul and _body_.”

“I understand.” Stiffly, Eren made his way to the door.

“Hey, little bro?”

“Yes?”

“Can I have my wand back now? Thank you. Are you alright? You walk as if you have a stick up your backside.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Eren hissed and took his leave. He was definitely not running from the wizard’s laughter. No, he was in a rush to get back to the cabin. And he needed to think. Could he really bring himself to do the unthinkable? As for Erwin, his physique was more or less human, if you ignored the horns and the wooly legs. And the hooves. The rest, he had to admit to himself, was mouthwatering. Even if you didn’t take the ever ready erection into account. Over time, it had proved more and more difficult to ignore for him .

Which left Levi. What could you find physically attractive about a tree? And how… how would the mechanics of it work? Could you even have sex with a tree? Eren liked his personality, he enjoyed their banter, and Levi’s voice was lovely. His flirting made Eren’s heart skip in ways he had never let on. His bark felt nice and smooth. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Eren’s mind was set. Once he returned home he would take a bath, and after that, ready or not, he would fuck a sheepman and a tree.

By the time he returned home, to his biggest surprise he found that he was indeed more than ready to fuck a sheepman and a tree.

Erwin was nowhere to be seen until Eren announced himself. Amidst the golden, yellow, red and purple display of the forest Levi stood out in stubborn green. He was probably going to hold on to it to the very last day, just like he did with his white spring dress. Both he and Erwin were besides themselves with joy that Eren had returned without as much as a scratch. They had spent the weeks of solitude - because even if they were two, that’s what it felt like to be without Eren, solitude - worrying what hideous creature he might be turned into. Erwin had to circle him various times and prod him here and there, and repeatedly assure Levi that really and truly Eren was okay.

Eren told them to stop fussing already, dropped his bags and hugged Levi, then he hugged Erwin who stiffened a bit in surprise that Eren was pressing himself so unreservedly against him.

“I’m okay, and what’s more I have a solution for you. And I think you’re going to like the solution.” He took a deep breath. “We’re going to have sex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... there will be smut.   
> BUT.  
> I figured that creature sex is not everybody's cup of tea so... in case you're not down for it, just skip the next chapter and come back for chapter 5, "Winter". I promise you won't miss any plot.


	4. Autumn - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Levi finally get to tap the Jaeger booty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. For those faint at heart: this chapter is pure pwp. It's kind of furry. And... leafy. What's the equivalent of zoophilia - dendrophilia? Plantiality? I'll spell it out: Eren fucks a satyr and a tree. 
> 
> If you always wanted to find out how trees climax, proceed.
> 
> Not your cup of tea? See you in chapter 5!

“I’m okay, and what’s more I have a solution for you. And I think you’re going to like the solution.” He took a deep breath. “We’re going to have sex.”

Silence ensued. Clouds passed by, unseen birds chirped away in the bushes, and a late bumble bee buzzed by.

Finally, Levi spoke. “I must have become a little hard of hearing. I thought you said we’re going to have sex.”

“But I did say it. Aren’t you glad I’m finally giving in to your incitements? Or are you… stumped?”

Erwin actually snorted at that, but one glance from Eren shut him up. “You really mean this, don’t you?”

“Yes. Yes, I want to do this for you. And no,” he raised his voice before the others could interject, “I’m not… bringing myself to do this for your sake but… um, well, I want this too.”

“Eren, dear.” Levi’s voice sounded unusually high. “You, you want to have sex with us. Now. In this shape. As we are now.”

“As you are now, and in any shape. I like you, just the way you are.” Eren slung one arm around Levi, and brought the palm of his other hand up to Erwin’s cheek. Saw blue eyes blink away moisture, a look in them like awe. Then a strange rustling sound, followed by a whimpered “Shiiit” from Levi, caused him to look up.

From his favorite sitting spot, where a wide branch split off the trunk at a wide angle, a new… appendage was suddenly protruding from the crotch. It was roughly six inches long and ended in a small round knob that glistened wetly. A thick, viscous liquid oozed from the tip and slowly dribbled down the length. All in all, it looked suspiciously like a wooden dildo.

“Levi, is that… did you just grow a dick?”

Another breathless whimper followed, which struck Eren as funny since Levi didn’t own any lungs. Breathlessness shouldn’t be on his list of attributes.

Erwin’s curiosity, however, was mixed with mild offense. “Oh shucks Levi, that would have come in handy a couple of times. Not fair to withhold such a treasure from me.”

Levi bristled. “Pardon me for getting aroused and deeply touched by what is basically a fiery love declaration, as opposed to you rubbing one out against my bark when your own hand gets too tired -”

“And I was so happy because I thought you care for me…”

“I _do_ care for your, wool brain! Maybe if you had wooed me like Eren did just now… it’s not like it’s a real dick anyway, and I won’t be able to come in this darn tree shape, but that was enough to charm _anyone’s_ pants off. Don’t tell me you didn’t grow a couple of extra inches yourself.”

Erwin glanced down and found his own erection indeed more lifely than ever. It was throbbing in an angry shade of red. “You may have a point there.”

Laughing to himself, Eren picked up his bags again. “You know, instead of constantly bickering you two could occasionally tell each other how you feel, how about that? If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a bath now. I want to be all nice and clean for you.”

“You need a hand? For, let’s say, a back scrub?” Erwin asked hopefully, and Levi hissed: “You are staying here! No feeling up in the bath, you pervert.”

“Thanks, I think I can manage on my own. But when I come back, maybe you can help me... getting ready.” He turned around and descended the path down to the cabin, hardly able to comprehend the words that had just left his mouth. His heart was giddy with anticipation - as were other regions - and he knew he was doing the right thing. He felt so at ease, so comfortable with Levi and Erwin that it hardly left any place for awkwardness. 

Soon, he had heated up enough water and dragged the wooden tub out, and scrubbed himself thoroughly from head to toe. Some splashing noises and a suppressed squeak from outside told him that Erwin was most likely busy with a little cleansing of his own under the water pump. Sure enough, as he stepped out, hair still damp and shirt hanging loosely over his pants, the satyr was waiting beside Levi, shivering and a little morose.

The pout left Erwin’s features as soon as he noticed Eren, and with a warm smile he held out his hand to pull him close. Eren found himself encircled by strong arms, his back pressed against Levi. 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Eren?” Erwin asked, and Levi echoed his concerns in a soft voice that was so unlike him. 

Eren nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be. Are you?” Levi only hummed in response, and Erwin lowered his head to kiss him.

With the satyr being eternally horny, Eren had expected him to be rough and demanding, focused on his own lust. Instead, Erwin took his time undressing and caressing him, exploring his body with hands and mouth and leaving trails of liquid fire in their wake. Holding on desperately to Levi like a lifeline, Eren pressed his burning face against smooth bark that began to thrum and heat up against his naked skin while Erwin went down on his knees and spread his cheeks.

The feeling of Erwin’s tongue teasing his entrance open, then moving inside of him was exquisite torture, unlike anything Eren had ever felt before. He wasn’t a virgin, but no one had ever done this for him, no one had ever pleasured him in such unspeakable ways, worshipped him as if there simply weren’t any dirty or taboo things about his body. All the while, Levi spoke to him, told him how good he was being, how lovely his skin felt, how nice his moans and gasps sounded. 

Eren rubbed his neck and sensitive chest shamelessly against him. His vision was going hazy, but he noticed a small sprig within reach and, without thinking twice of it, began to lick and suck at it. It felt good and right, and Levi’s groan that reverberated more in his head than in his ears told him that it was appreciated. “You like it how my mouth feels on you? Imagine what your dick will feel like in my mouth. In my ass. Filling me up so good, making me cry out and beg for you…” Maybe he only imagined it, but he thought he could feel the sprig warming up and swelling a little under his lips. Did trees have erogenous zones? He was pretty sure that they didn’t, but Levi could talk without a mouth and feel without a skin. Eren may not be able to bring Levi to climax, but he sure as hell would make him feel good regardless.

Finally, Erwin pulled back and they climbed up. Eren felt a little self conscious being up here buck naked, but all his concerns flew out of his head once he was close enough to inspect Levi’s… dick. It was, as expected, as hard as any other wooden part of him, but the bark was so smooth it felt silken. The fluid leaking from the tip was clear and had a pleasant, organic smell. Erwin and Eren both ran their fingers over it in adoration, and Erwin was bold enough to lick the fluid off his fingertips.

“Hmm, tastes so sweet. Here, Eren, try it.” He held his hand out to Eren, who sucked his fingers into his mouth without breaking eye contact. The blue in Erwin’s eyes was only a tiny rim around wide pupils, and he bit his lip as Eren’s tongue ran all over and between his fingers to chase every last bit of Levi’s taste. Then he blinked and pulled himself together.

“What do you think, Levi? Shall I get Eren all nice and ready for you?” He asked and scooped up more of the viscous fluid before he pushed his fingers inside Eren. Soft and relaxed as his entrance already was, the glide was amazing. Eren’s eyes fluttered close and he reached out for both Levi’s and Erwin’s cocks to stroke them slowly. Languid, exploring, learning their texture and reactions. As expected, Levi was physically a lot less sensitive than a human, but simply being involved in this, being loved and accepted turned him on beyond belief.

When Erwin deemed him ready, Eren lowered himself onto Levi, gently easing the flared tip inside himself. It felt a little unfamiliar, so hard and unyielding, but once he had bottomed out his eyes rolled back in his head at how perfectly it filled him. Erwin hovered close by, hands running over his sides and back, soothing, gentle praises falling from his lips.

“Doesn’t he feel good, Levi? So hot and soft inside, sucking you right in… I can’t wait to get my cock inside that ass.” His fingers traced Eren’s rim where they were connected. Even more liquid had leaked out. “You’re so wet Levi, will you come inside Eren? Fill him up good?”

Eren shuddered. The image of Levi’s come filling him up, then Erwin fucking him when he was already a dripping mess… he had to take a calming breath before he could wrap his legs around Levi and started moving. The angle was a bit awkward and he had little leverage, but then Erwin grasped his hips to guide him. It felt good, incredible even, and Eren already sensed that he wouldn’t last long. He clung close to Levi, forehead resting against the bark, pants and moans leaving his mouth as he rolled his hips. He didn’t even notice himself starting to babble, telling Levi how good he felt, how strong he was, how amazing, how much he loved him.

Then Erwin cupped his chin and prompted him to raise his head. At first, he thought the glow of the sunset cast a golden and red glow on Levi’s leaves, but then he realised. They were assuming their autumnal glory right as he watched, turning more gaudy by the minute. Tiny lights pulsed and flickered beneath the bark, making it appear almost translucent.

“What… what’s happening?” Eren gasped.

“I think he’s going to come,” Erwin answered softly, awestruck.

“Eren… please, you feel so good… oh God, I’m… please, please…” Levi’s broken pleads were music to Eren’s ears. Leaning even closer, he whispered: “Come for me, Levi.”

A second of brilliant tautness followed, and Eren felt Levi swell impossibly larger inside of him, stretching him. Two, three more thrusts that had his toes curling were enough to let the tension in him snap, and he came with a choked cry, white come splattering from his untouched cock. Levi answered with a long-drawn groan that seemed to go on forever. Eren kept rocking his hips riding out his orgasm, his head thrown back, and he would forever be grateful he kept his eyes open.

Levi’s leaves suddenly flared in the most vibrant shade of crimson and then exploded, only to be immediately replaced by blinding white. Eren and Erwin stared in shock, mouths open. For one heartbeat, spring blossoms covered every branch and twig in a dazzling display, then they too drifted to the ground. Levi’s branches stood barren and dark against the evening sky.

“Levi? Love? Are you okay?” Eren asked anxiously, hands fluttering out to touch him, and Erwin left his place behind Eren to embrace him as well and press his ear against the trunk. A low vibrating hum still filled Levi, but it was fading, and he felt cooler to the touch.

“M’fine… more than fine… just sleepy… love you both…” They could feel more than hear Levi’s whispering voice and smiled at each other. Then he was back, his voice a little stronger. “Erwin, you’ll take good care of Eren now, yes? Make him feel as amazing as he deserves… and you too…” With that, he was gone.

Eren froze. As mouthwatering as getting fucked by Erwin sounded, even more so after having an idea of what the satyr was capable of, his body sorely needed a little break to recover. Looking down at his limp dick, he pondered.

“Erwin… how many rounds can you go?”

“As many as you want.” For someone who was partly a ruminant, Erwin looked positively predatory.

“And do you need breaks in between?”

“Not really. Why, what _have_ you planned?”

“I just thought of something more interesting than cloud gazing to pass the time until I can get hard again.”

Quickly, they clambered down to the ground which was covered in a lush carpet of reds and white. It was a scenery of breathtaking beauty, and Erwin looked stunning spread out on it, skin flushed and hands scrabbling for purchase on the scattered leaves and petals as Eren’s mouth descended on him.

The coat of hair that started as a thin line below his navel to cover his crotch, hips, legs and ass felt surprisingly soft, not as curly and thick as a real sheep’s wool. Although Erwin smelled a bit stronger and more musky than Eren was used to it was a pleasant scent, warm and masculine that had his head spinning. He watched Erwin fall apart beneath him, succumbing to the pleasure that was given to him. Only the occasional flexing of his abdominal muscles gave away how much he was fighting the urge to thrust his hips. 

“Sounds like he’s awfully good,” Levi observed in a sleepy voice when Erwin’s moans got louder, and although it wasn’t addressed at him, Eren answered.

“Oh yes, Erwin’s being really good for me. He’s so gorgeous like this, turns me on so much,” he said, hand stroking Erwin firmly. Holding the satyr’s gaze he took him into his mouth again, tongue running along the sensitive spots on the underside.

“I’m going to come,” Erwin tried to warn him, and when Eren only blinked an acknowledgement, he added: “Eren, it’s going to be a lot,” sounding desperate and broken and only holding on by a thread.

The sound of it went straight to Eren’s crotch and made his own cock throb in desire. He slowly pulled his head back only to bob it down again and set a reckless pace. Erwin cried out and thrashed, showering them both with leaves as he came. His cock pulsed and spilled seed down Eren’s throat, and although he had braced himself he coughed a little. It wasn’t exactly buckets full, but definitely more than Eren had ever swallowed before.

He released Erwin once more, and the satyr’s cock showed no signs of going soft. A second later, Eren found himself on his back, caged in.

“That wasn’t really fair,” Erwin grouched, but there was no bite in it.

“Maybe I just wanted to get fucked by you already,” Eren answered with a coy smile.

Erwin sat back up, pulling Eren with him so he was straddling his lap. “You looked so good riding Levi, think you can do that with me to?”

Heart hammering, Eren lowered himself. His entrance was still soft and leaking from Levi’s juices, but Erwin was considerably bigger. His jaw went slack at being so full, and Erwin caressed his back soothingly, kissed along his jawline and collarbones until he relaxed. He rocked his hips slowly, and even the small movements sent sparks up his spine and made him gasp. Soon, he was riding Erwin with abandon, holding on to his neck for leverage and grateful for the guiding hands on his hips.

“Erwin, I’m growing tired, do you think you can -” The words had hardly left his mouth when Erwin got up, supporting Eren’s whole weight on his arms as if he weighed nothing. His back hit Levi and Erwin’s arms hooked under his knees, spreading him wide open to slide back into him in one smooth motion. Eren screamed.

“Oh God, Levi… Levi, you must grow a knothole or something and have Erwin fuck you, oh my God!”

The angle was perfect, and Erwin fucked him with long deep thrusts, making his toes curl. But still he was trembling, still his jaw was clenched with the effort of holding back. Eren cupped his face to get his attention.

“Let go,” he whispered. “Let go for me.”

Erwin stared at him, face flushed and hair a mess, and then something dark crossed his eyes. Something within him shifted, and he planted his feet wider, pulled out until only the head of his cock remained inside Eren -

… and then Eren was truly fucked by a satyr. It was wild and animalistic, thrusts so hard and fast they literally fucked the breath out of him. In Erwin’s eyes there was a faint glow, and now Eren knew why folklore and religion had made demons out of them.

All his senses were under assault, and he didn’t even have air in his lungs to scream.

He loved every second of it.

His hand found his cock, and all head to do was pump it a couple of times before he came, shaking and sobbing, and the last thing he felt before passing out was being filled up with Erwin’s come.

When he came to, he was seated diagonally in Erwin’s lap, held close to his chest. Gentle fingers carded his sweaty hair. He stirred, and Erwin lifted up his chin to look at him imploringly.

“Are you alright?”

He was aching in two dozen places, but there could only be one answer. “Hell, yes. That was easily the most memorable sex I ever had.” With a yawn and a sigh he added: “You’re both still not human, though.”

Erwin shrugged. “Maybe it’ll happen in our sleep or something?”

Eren yawned again. “Speaking of sleep - how’s Levi?”

“Sleeps like a log.”

“We should, too…” Eren lost his train of thought and stared up into the darkened sky. “Can we sleep here? If Levi turns human overnight he’ll be all alone and cold and miserable here…”

Erwin nodded. “In that case, we need some blankets to keep warm.”

“Hmm, there’s… blankets and - things in the chest, and there’s also a couple of -” He broke off and blushed.

“A couple of...?” Erwin coaxed.

“Sheepskins,” Eren mumbled guiltily. Erwin laughed and patted his rump. 

“Do you feel guilty for firing your stove with wood, too?” He teased. Then he nudged Eren off his lap. “I’ll go and get everything. I think you’re in no condition to walk.”

“Very perceptive.”

Eren leaned against Levi and dozed off, only to be woken by Erwin dropping what felt like a carriage full of textiles and furs on him. They buried under the lavender-scented hill, curled up close and fell asleep.


	5. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren attempts to seek a cure for Levi and Erwin again... and this time, he is armed with the Ultimate Weapon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late in posting, but when I went through the final edit I couldn't help myself but add the teensiest bit of human smut. For those of you who avoided chapter 4 but still want to have erurirens do the do ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“Goddamn fucking hell!”

The yell sounded through the forest before the roosters could rise. Startled, birds exploded from the foliage.

“This spineless, honorless, cock-gobbling, one-balled, bow-legged, asinine, stinking, wretched, lying BASTARD!”

Erwin peeled his eyes open to a memorable sight.

Eren was stomping and hopping buck naked and furious as all hell over the clearing, kicking up leaves and hurling twigs and stones at nothing.

Erwin propped himself up on one elbow. “A good morning to you, too.” When Eren whirled around to face him, he mustered up his most charming smile.

Deflating, Eren trudged over and collapsed on top of him.

“What’s got you mad as hops so early in the morning? I hope it wasn’t me, or Levi.”

“No,” Eren mumbled morosely into his chest.

“I think I know what he’s so pissy over,” Levi said. Erwin looked up in confusion until it clicked. Levi was still a tree. Erwin himself was still featuring decidedly non-human feet and - he reached up - headdress.

“Oh, I see. But - I think I speak as much for Levi as for myself - we don’t mind it that much anymore. Right?”

“Right. It sucks a lot less when I’m with you guys.” Levi agreed. “Now that there’s people who love and accept me like I am.”

“Or does it mean - Eren, do you regret last night?”

Eren couldn’t bear to see the pain in Erwin’s eyes. “Of course I don’t! As I said, I wanted it! And it was the best sex I ever had! And as soon as I’m not sore anymore I want to do it again! But that’s not the point.” He breathed deeply to calm himself. “The point is that my half-brother, like he has done all my life, has fucking lied to me and tricked me.” He gritted his teeth. “That two-faced, low-life -”

“Stop right there,” Levi ordered. “We all knew he was a dick, and he has just proven again that he is a dick. So what’s new? I’m sorry you went through all this trouble for nothing. But there’s nothing to win in yelling and cussing up a storm.”

“Yeah, you’re right. What I have to do is murder him.” Eren got up, but Erwin swiftly pulled him down again.

“Stay.” When he was sure he got Eren’s full attention, he said: “Promise us to not go and do something stupid, yes?”

Eren sulked. “I promise.”

He continued to sulk for the next weeks. He went about his business around the cabin, fields and woods, even spent the evenings with Levi and Erwin like he had before, but his mind was only half there, and he hardly joined in on the banter and joking. He retired early and lay sleepless in his alcoven, staring into the blackness.

One day in late autumn, Eren seemed to snap out of his funk. He went to collect chestnuts whistling, dusted the entire house and at night initiated a rather acrobatic threesome. Erwin and Levi thought he was getting over it.

In the morning, he was gone. The note he left behind read: ‘Be back soon. Don’t worry, my plan is foolproof. Love, Eren.’

Whatever Eren took for a foolproof plan - the wording alone was enough to make Erwin and Levi _really_ worried. But there was no reason to. This time, Eren was armed with the ultimate weapon.

“Been expecting you,” Zeke said, squinting while he reached for the teapot. “There’s no need to take my eyeglasses every fucking time, you know.”

“Dunno, Zeke, what do you think would be a proper payback for the prank you pulled on me?”

Zeke giggled. “Don’t tell me you actually fell for it? And you… you… oh my God.” The giggling turned into a full blown cackling. He had to put is mug down and wipe the tears from his face.

Eren watched on with a stony face, arms crossed. “Are you _quite_ done now? Fine. Then you will tell me what can break the curse, and this time you’ll tell me the truth.”

“Make me,” Zeke smirked.

“I won’t. But _she_ will.” Eren jabbed a thumb over his shoulder where a slender figure, shadow among shadows, began to move. Zeke squinted again, looking absurdly like an overgrown rabbit. Then he paled and shrunk back.

“No. No, no, no. you didn’t. You wouldn’t dare to -”

“Oh yes, I would.” Eren leaned forward, folding his hands on the table. “Say hello to… _your stepmother_.”

“Car- mother,” Zeke croaked.

“Don’t you car-mother me, young man.” Carla’s voice was stern. “I am very, very disappointed in you.”

“But Ca- mother, didn’t Eren tell you what he did? The unnatural and perverted acts he committed with -”

“What Eren did was consummate his deep and heartfelt love with two good, strong and honest men. There’s nothing unnatural about that. What did _you_ think had to take place to bring you into this world? Really, Zeke, I know your father had that talk with you.” She shook her head. “Now, what you did, however, was abuse your magical skills for selfish and harmful means, when you should be using them for the good of mankind. You lied and made fun of your brother when he came to ask you to right the wrongs that you did.”

Zeke listened with his head bowed, fingers fiddling with the hem of his nightshirt. “I can… I can make good for it.”

“You can, and you will.” Carla looked around the kitchen in distaste. “After you cleaned up this pigsty, that is. I have no idea what is wrong with you - I’m positive you weren’t raised in a barn.”

Eren had taken a detour to his parents’ home and told them everything. Being honest as he was, he had intended to tell them about Levi and Erwin anyway. After the initial shock had worn off, his father had gotten up und dug a small, carefully stored bottle of brandy from the pantry. Eren was quite sure his parents were the first people in history to congratulate themselves on two possible sons-in-law, one of them being a ram, the other a tree, and mean it. 

Carla was keen on coming along and setting Zeke’s head straight, and Eren had a hunch she was just as keen on fathoming his lovers. On the way to Zeke’s castle, she grilled him relentlessly. Once Zeke was trotting miserably behind them, she tactfully refrained from further questions, sensing that Eren wouldn’t want to talk about matters of the heart with a well-loathed witness around.

The first harbingers of winter were soon on them, and Eren was glad for the extra bag full of warm clothes, socks and mitts that his mother had been adamant on contributing. Some of them were for himself, but a lot more for Erwin and Levi, diligently sewn overnight (and in some cases, Eren suspected, retrieved from his father’s dresser). Even while walking, Carla was capable of knitting, and her hands were busy throughout the trip By the time they reached the forest path, both Eren and - much to his amazed delight - Zeke were adorned with brand new cozy hats and scarves.

This time, Erwin must have been on the lookout, because he stepped out of the cabin as soon as they were near enough to be recognised. Eren had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing - the satyr trying to school his expression and, for once, failing miserably, was hilarious. He changed from sheer delight at seeing Eren unscathed, to contempt and disdain for Zeke, and finally puzzlement, dawning realisation and mortification as he spotted Carla behind her two much taller sons. Hastily, he tried to cover himself, and Eren cut off Zeke’s smirk with an elbow to his side.

“Ouch! What was that for? I didn’t do anything!”

“You can wipe that smug grin right off your face or I’ll do it for you,” Eren hissed. “This is all your fault, you ass.”

“Language, Eren.”

“Sorry, mother.”

“Now, you must be Erwin,” Carla said, only the slightly higher tone of her voice and the pink on her cheeks betraying her embarrassment on his behalf. “Eren told me so much about you, and I was really looking forward to meeting you.” She held out a hand and then hugged him around the shoulders as he bent down to greet her.

“Forgive this old hag for barging in unannounced but you see, our Zeke here is still in his rebellious phase and needs some parental supervision.”

“Mother!”

“Hush, Zeke,” she said without turning around, and Eren elbowed him again. Zeke mouthed a silent ‘Fuck off’ at him, getting a glare and an equally silent ‘Asshole’ in return. Carla sighed heavily. “ _Boys_. Stop it or you’ll both get your filthy mouths scrubbed with soap. Don’t test me.”

“How does she always know?” Eren muttered and stuffed his hands into his pants pockets.

Carla gave him a weary smile over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t have survived raising the pair of you without developing a sixth sense.”

Finally, Erwin managed to get a word in. “You did a wonderful job, Mrs Jaeger. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Now I know where Eren got his good looks from.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr Erwin.” She playfully waved a finger at him. “Now, would you be so friendly to introduce me to Mr Levi?” 

He offered her his arm. “Why certainly.” They walked off, chatting amiably, leaving the pair of brothers speechless. Then Eren shrugged and followed.

Ever since Levi had lost his leaves, he was sluggish and slept a lot. He wouldn’t really hibernate but had to preserve his energy, he had explained to them. Still, coaxing him awake with the news that Eren was here and brought not only his heinous brother, but also his mother along was an easy task. What followed was a cussing storm directed at Zeke. Eren watched his mother anxiously - she hated foul language - but she turned his back to him, apparently inflicted by a terrible coughing fit. He patted her back comfortingly.

“I’m… sorry, mother, I swear he usually isn’t like this, but he only woke up, and he _really_ has a beef with Zeke.”

“So much I gathered,” she said, finally facing him again and wiping her eyes.

Erwin, meanwhile, had kicked Levi’s trunk enough to get his attention. “ _What_.” Levi snapped.

“Levi, Eren’s _mother_ is here.” Erwin hissed in a stage whisper.

“Oh my God, shit, I’m so sorry Mrs Jaeger! Look, Eren can tell you that when no bas-, bothersome wizards are around I’m the most civilised ass-, I mean ash! Talk about sleep deprived, I’m not even an ash, I’m a cherry tree, and… uh… I guess I’ll just chop myself off and jump into the stove.”

“It’s fine Mr Levi, I would swear too if I was turned into a tree. But my, what a handsome exemplar you are. Strong and sturdy. I bet the bees are all _over_ you in spring.”

“Oh, that’s nothing. You should see the sapsuckers when they-”

“Yes fine, how about we finally get this show on the road?” Eren interrupted entirely too loud and cheerful. He produced the magic wand he had kept safe until now. Zeke held out his hand, but Eren didn’t hand the wand over yet. “Zeke, I swear if you try anything funny now…”

Zeke looked from Eren to Carla and shook his head. “I won’t.” With a huff, he took the wand, unceremoniously pointed it at Erwin and said: “Be back to human.” Erwin vanished - _poof!_ \- in a cloud of smoke and sparkles, and without pausing Zeke said the same to Levi. _Poof!_ This time the cloud was much larger.

When the smoke cleared, two entirely human looking men stood there. Erwin looked much like his former self, only without the horns and a bit shorter. He was dressed in noble clothes, riding boots and dark pants, and an intricately embroidered velvet overcoat. And for the first time, Eren saw Levi. He was rather short and lean, and the rolled up sleeves of his plain work shirt exposed muscular forearms. His pale, delicately carved face stood in stunning contrast to his black hair. Eren cried out in joy and bounded over to hug them both tight. Over and over he touched their faces, their hair, and squeezed them tight.

“You’re really back,” he marvelled. “And it was so fucking easy… wait a second.” He turned around, voice menacing. “It was really so easy? As in, no big deal at all? No magical tommyrot necessary? You could have done this in a second all along and never bothered when I asked you?” Before anyone could stop him, he lunged forward, wrestled the wand from Zeke’s grip and broke it in half.

“You total and utter _ass_!”

_Poof!_

A fluttering spark flew from the broken halves of the wand towards Zeke and surrounded him with an ill colored cloud. In horror, Eren shook the wand.

“Oh no… turn him back… be human again!” A tiny thread of smoke rose from the ruined magical object, then it lay dead in his hand.

“Oh shit… I really turned him into an ass, oh God…”

“Not really,” Levi said matter-of-factly after a short inspection. “He’s a jack. Seems like gender change was too much for the remaining magic.”

In Zeke’s place stood a grey and shaggy donkey. “Hee-haw?”

“And he can’t even speak anymore, oh my _God_ …”

“Of course I can still speak, dipshit. Only kidding. Now you’ve had your fun, turn me back.”

“I can’t, the wand is broken.”

Zeke lowered his head. “Just my luck.”

“Maybe we should have a tea while we figure out what to do?” Levi suggested. On the way down the slope he staggered a little. “Shit, too many legs to pay attention to. Why are we moving so fast? Woah.” 

Zeke staggered behind him. “You are complaining about too many legs? Don’t make me laugh.”

In the cabin, Eren made his guests sit down and prepared the tea. Levi looked around in approval. “You kept everything in nice order, Eren. Thank you.” Eren smiled and ducked into the cupboard to hide a blush. The lovely aroma of herbs filled the small room as he strained the tea and poured a cup for everyone (except Zeke, who was pouting outside).

When Erwin reached out to accept his cup, the lapels of his coat moved and revealed a necklace with an emerald pendant. Carla’s eyes widened.

“It’s you! Prince Erwin! But you never said anything… “ She quickly rose from her seat and made a curtsy. “Your Royal Highness, please forgive us for addressing you so informally. If only we had known…”

Levi and Eren stared at him wide-eyed. “You are what? A prince? Prince Erwin? _The_ Prince Erwin?”

Erwin looked at them pleadingly. “Please, no formalities. And let me explain. I didn’t mean to deceive you, but I thought… it didn’t really matter, did it? As long as I was cursed, there was no going back…”

“Why not?” Eren protested. “Does your father love you so little that you couldn’t turn to him?”

“It’s not about my father, Eren. I know he loves me dearly, but he would have been powerless to do anything. He couldn’t have let a satyr inherit the throne. The folk wouldn’t have accepted it.”

“But your disappearance broke his heart,” Carla said softly. “The whole country knows he’s in deep mourning.”

“It would have broken his heart even more to watch me being chased away or killed.”

“But why didn’t you tell _us_?” Eren was miffed.

“Because you would have gone and done something reckless,” Levi said in a bored tone and sipped on his tea.

“I wouldn’t! I would only have… I would have…” Eren’s shoulders sagged. “Yes, you’re right.”

“Are you mad at me?” Erwin took his hand. 

Eren pushed out his lower lip. “A little.” He wasn’t going to let Erwin off the hook so easily. Levi smirked into his cup. 

“What do…” Erwin tapped a finger against his chin as if in deep thought. “Oh, I know. I’ll take you to the palace, and there I’ll tell the king and the whole court the tale of how a brave young journeyman selflessly-”

Zeke made a gagging sound from where his head was perched on the bottom half of the door.

“- _selflessly_ saved me from the king’s own hunters, and a wretched life in the woods.”

“You are not going to tell them _everything_ , right?”

“Well. Some of the details may remain obscure. In any case, I can savely promise you that the king will give you everything you ask for, Eren.”

“I just want to stay with both of you. I don’t need anything else.”

Levi buried his burning face in his hands. “God, Eren. You’re such a sap. And anyway, please enlighten me how a journeyman and a meagre peasant are supposed to be the prince’s companions.”

“If that’s what Eren asks for, it’s what he will get,” Erwin said firmly.

“Could your father also try to find a wizard to do something about Zeke? I mean sure he’s a je-, sorry mother… a mean person, but I hope he’s learned his lesson.”

“Sure thing he has,” Zeke affirmed and bared his long teeth in what was probably supposed to be a grin.

“If it was up to me, he could run a mill for a couple of years,” Levi grouched.

Eren made his best puppy eyes. “Levi, if it hadn’t been for Zeke we would never have met.”

“Fine, whatever. Apparently no one is able to say no to you. It was easier when I couldn’t see you, you little shit.” Levi ruffled his hair affectionately, and Eren grinned. Suddenly something occurred to him.

“Do you remember what I said to you about mainly royals getting cursed? Hah, turns out I was right after all! What do you say now?”

“Eren. There’s two formerly cursed persons at this table, and only one of them is royal. Which doesn’t prove your case at all. One out of two is not a majority, it’s exactly half. If that’s how you learned numeracy in your apprenticeship, please remind me to never let you build furniture for me or I’ll end up with a sixty foot dinner table.”

Carla insisted that Eren brushed up his black hat and patched his journeyman uniform to the best of his abilities, and personally fitted Dr Jaeger’s best woolen pants and overcoat to Levi’s size. “Don’t you start arguing with me - we’re going to the king’s palace, you can’t just turn up in your old work pants.” Zeke didn’t escape her grooming either and was subjected to a thorough currycombing that made grey hair fly everywhere. His protests that winter fur was supposed to look shaggy went unheard.

Finally, she was happy with everybody’s appearance, and the five of them set off to the king’s palace. Right in the first town, Erwin was recognised, and they found themselves whisked into someone’s coach - with Zeke being hoisted and securely fastened to the roof - so they travelled fast. But rumors travel even faster, so everywhere they were greeted by cheering crowds and streets decorated with flags. Even the cold couldn’t keep the people inside.

At the palace, the king couldn’t care less for protocol, anxiously awaiting their arrival on the front steps. He rushed forward to greet his son weeping with joy, never batted an eyelid at his assembly of travelling companions and ushered them all inside. They were treated to the most delicious dinner Carla, Eren and Levi had ever eaten, and although they picked the wrong cutlery for every course neither the king nor the prince raised any objections. They were both too polite, and in any case preoccupied with talking and listening. 

When Erwin had finally finished, the candles were burning low and Levi was dozing off, leaned against Eren’s shoulder. He still wasn’t used to being back in his human body yet, and the day had been exhausting. Even Erwin gently picking him up and carrying him towards one of the guest rooms didn’t rouse him. Putting him to bed, however, proved impossible. Levi clung to Erwin like a limpet. 

“Forget it. I’m sleeping where you are sleeping,” he mumbled sleepily. With a defeated sigh, Erwin carried Levi to his own rooms, Eren hot on his heels.

Erwin’s bed was luxuriously huge. Eren thought it could have easily accommodate the house he grew up in, the bedroom the entire neighborhood. Not that he was going to complain. Far from it, as he eased between immaculate silk sheets. It felt like lying in a rose scented cloud. Levi had immediately burrowed himself right into the middle of the bed and eagerly opened his arms for them, all traces of sleepiness gone.

Eren had thought that sex with them was amazing before, but being able to explore each other on a warm and comfortable bed beat everything he had ever experienced. Levi in particular took full advantage that he was finally able to touch and kiss them as he pleased, and by unspoken agreement they let him take the lead. Let him discover them, find out what made them gasp and moan and shake with want. Made Eren come into his mouth, sobbing and arching his back like a bow, fisting his hands in Levi’s hair so desperate it must have hurt, yet Levi never even flinched, eyes never leaving his blissed out face. Then he finger fucked Erwin, let him thrust into his other hand, all the while ignoring his own leaking erection, taking his enjoyment from pleasuring them in all the ways he had so long dreamed of.

Finally, Eren took him with slow, deep thrusts while Erwin teased and stroked his cock, a languid, hypnotic push and pull like the waves, all hushed whispers and gentle caresses, so indulgent and loving it ached in the sweetest way.

Afterward, they curled up around each other, tangled up in sheets that were not so clean smelling anymore. Exchanged lazy, lingering kisses, let hands idly roam, and marvelled at how fate had led them here together. Levi was the first to drift off, cheeks still rosy and hair an adorable mess. Eren couldn’t help himself but study his peaceful features with a soft smile. The mattress behind him dipped lightly as Erwin scooted close, resting his head on Eren’s shoulder. He reached out to carefully tuck a black strand behind Levi’s ear and trace his fingers over the curve of his jaw.

“Gorgeous, isn’t he?” Erwin whispered.

“Yes. Perfect. Just like you.” Eren turned his head and kissed Erwin’s shoulder.

Levi opened an eye. “Are you two being sentimental again?”

“Do you remember when we first met? I told you you’re beautiful. And that’s true. You were beautiful then, and you’re beautiful now.” Eren laced their fingers together. 

A blush spread over Levi’s cheeks, but he held their gazes. “You too.” Eren and Erwin must have looked particularly starstruck, for he rolled his eyes and added: “Can I please sleep now without you staring at me? It’s creepy.” He turned his back to them and pulled Eren’s arm over his chest.

“Hey, who said you get to be little spoon?” But Eren plastered himself to Levi’s back anyway, feeling comfortably squished between his warm and human lovers.

The rest of the tale is narrated quickly. As Erwin had promised, the king was so overjoyed and grateful that he granted anything Eren and Levi might wish for. The following spring saw Prince Erwin’s marriage to Prince Consort Eren and Prince Consort Levi, as well as their coronation. His father happily resigned and handed the throne over to his son, and spent his late years writing history books, whenever his ever growing flock of adoptive grandchildren wasn’t demanding his attention.

Carla and Grisha Jaeger were moved into a stately country house near the palace so they could come and go as they pleased, and receive all the rewards of having raised a son who had a heart of unrivaled purity and love.

Zeke could never be turned back into a man. But he settled into his life in the Jaegers’ stable quite well, and the irritatingly high number of mules born to the mares of the palace were a thing that no one dared to ponder over too closely.

Eren, Levi and Erwin reigned over the prospering kingdom, adopted twelve children, had a lot of sex and lived happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit sad to post the final update. It was a joy from beginning to end. Please feed me on kudos and let me know what you thought!   
> (๑ˊ͈ ॢꇴ ˋ͈)〜♡॰ॱ


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